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WD | Be the Interior Designer of Your Mind ✏️

Last week, I was thinking... what's the biggest thing I still struggle with?

What's the #1 thing getting in my way of the life I want for myself?

Answer: Fear of rejection.

It's something I've been aware of for some time. 

As far as I've come with it, it still affects me with sales, posting on LinkedIn, dating, or writing this newsletter.

But I understand it's just a current belief that's not rooted in any real truth.

Here's what I mean...

Like many of our deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, they aren't true. They're just an accumulation of our interpretation of the outside world's events.

When something happens, objectively, it's neither good nor bad.

It's neutral.

The meaning comes when we apply our interpretation of it.

Example. Someone cuts us off driving.

What makes that a 'bad' event? All they did was change lanes in closer proximity to our car than usual.

Our blood boils only when we put meaning on the event, or how WE react.

Which then raises our HR, blood pressure, and injects adrenaline into our bloodstream.

Our beliefs come from deep programming in our subconscious.

This programming has formed over years of events (sometimes even one event) typically in our formative years.

This goes for any fear or insecurity we have. 

The good thing?

Since it was once programmed, it can be re-programmed. That's where you come in.

And since meaning only comes when WE react - it means we're in charge of how we feel. 

It's imperative that we take ownership of being the Interior Designers of ourselves.

And when you really understand this, empathy for others becomes so much easier.

You understand people act a certain way because of something that happened to them earlier in life.

Programming creates adaptations. 

Adaptations that end up preventing people from the basic human needs they're seeking. 

People just want to be loved & accepted.

That's it.

At a root level, we all have a child within us that wants to be seen, loved, and held.

And as men, this can be really tough to accept.

Many of our behaviors are adaptations to the insecurities we experience every day.

One of my favorite quotes by Jay Shetty...
"People often look for love in the most unloving ways."

Remember the bully in grade school? Just wanted to be loved.
The guy who rides around on his bike blasting music in public places? Love.
People who put down others or pick fights as adults? Love.
That troll on your social media post? Love.
The guy pressuring you to chug a beer, then gets angry when you don't? Love.

Often, the thoughts we have about ourselves aren't truths. They're just stories we've made up that have been on repeat.

What's fucked up is that we then act in accordance to fit that narrative.

And we end up fulfilling the very thoughts that aren't serving us. 

The good news is that since these are made up, we have the power to make up a new and better story for ourselves.

Uncovering these un-serving narratives is a key focus of my men's group program.

We work together to explore our limiting beliefs through sharing and learning from other men.

There's nothing like having a tight-knit group of guys who want the best for you and hold you accountable.

What's a story you're telling yourself that isn't actually true?

Tim 🖤

--
Want to be part of an upcoming cohort? Learn more here.
Rather work with me 1:1? Book an intro call.
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